Pierwszy start po rocznej przerwie za nami. Dostałam nim konkretnego kopa w tyłek a Fruzia wylała mi na głowę wiadro zimnej wody, ale ostatecznie jestem zadowolona – ze startu, ale przede wszystkim z bardzo ważnej lekcji jaką dzięki niemu otrzymałam.

Roczna przerwa startowa wiązała się z problemami zdrowotnymi Fruzi. Przerwa od treningów i bardzo ostrożny powrót do nich wynikały z tego w jaki sposób zakończyłyśmy starty, występem w Godollo w zeszłym roku. Nie każdy z Was wie, ale z Fruzią było naprawdę źle – niespecyficzne ataki padaczki objawiające się na kilka sposobów, podejrzenie zapalenia mózgu, do tego zbytnia wrażliwość na moje emocje i nastroje, które również pozostawiały wiele do życzenia, a u niej oddziaływały dosłownie na cały organizm. Na szczęście, stan jej zdrowia udało się ustabilizować i  wróciłyśmy do pracy.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Plan na treningi przed RAUKI Cup 2018 był dobry – niestety, przez problemy z Hondą nie udało mi się go w pełni zrealizować. Jadąc do Gdyni miałam świadomość, że nie przygotowałam Fruzi wystarczająco, ale wiedziałam też, co przepracowałyśmy – uznałam, że to dobry sposób na sprawdzenie na czym realnie stoimy. W ciągu zeszłego roku skupiałam się mocno na treningach Hondy, ale przede wszystkim – na moich klubowiczach. Szczególnie, że kilku z nich udało się namówić na różne zawody treningowe. Jako trener starałam się dać z siebie wszystko – nie tylko przygotować do startów psy, ale przede wszystkim odpowiednio wesprzeć i ukierunkować przewodników. Przez cały ten czas bardzo dużą wagę przykładałam do tego, aby mieli odpowiednie nastawienie na treningach, podczas startów i… po nich – szczególnie, kiedy nie byli zadowoleni z przebiegów lub na treningu musieli cofnąć się dalej niż do podstaw. Pozytywne nastawienie, cierpliwość, wyrozumiałość – to rzeczy, których staram się uczyć na co dzień każdego przewodnika psa…

I tak nastał czas wyjazdu do Gdyni. Wiadomo, idealnym momentem na złe psie samopoczucie jest weekend zawodów, dlatego już w sobotę wieczorem Fruzia mocno opadła z sił. W niedzielę wcale nie było lepiej – śmiem twierdzić, że całkowity brak szczekania na mijane blisko psy, nawet te do których nie pała sympatią, był zwiastunem najgorszego. Mimo tego, to nie stan Fruzi był najgorszy – a mój. Sama nie wierzę, że stres zjadał mnie tak mocno! Połączenie przerwy startowej, ze świadomością niepełnej gotowości psa, z obawą przed atakami w trakcie lub po starcie (te zawody miały pokazać czy organizm Fru podoła), świadomość, że wszystkie osoby na których opinii mi zależy patrzą – czy to na żywo czy na streamie… to wszystko doprowadziło mnie do kosmicznej tremy startowej. Trema ta zjadała mnie od środka już w sobotę, podczas oglądania jedynkowych startów – ale w niedzielę, wgryzała się wyjątkowo zajadle. Nie jestem w stanie sobie przypomnieć kiedy odczuwałam tak silny stres podczas startu. Niestety, Fruzia czuła go tak samo mocno jak ja. Mały biały pies starał się jak mógł, jednak moje nerwy sprawiły, że chciała być wciąż jak najbliżej mnie i dawać mi maksymalne wsparcie – mimo, że to wszystko przerastało ją ewidentnie. Co więcej, w tym całym stresie nawet nie słyszałam jak głośno dudnił, szumiał i strzelał balonowy dach podczas naszego (i nie tylko – później już słyszałam :P) startu, co nie pomagało mojej psiej partnerce. Niesamowite, że mimo tylu przeciwności Fruzia wciąż starała się dać z siebie wszystko – z błędami, bo nerwy przerastały także ją, ale wciąż na maksimum starań – dla mnie i dla sportu który ten mały biały pies kocha naprawdę mocno.

Kiedy zeszłam z ringu byłam załamana. W sumie „załamana” to mało powiedziane. Nie wiedziałam co ze sobą zrobić, bo tragedia która wydarzyła się po drugiej stronie taśm była dla mnie nieopisywalna – a wiadomo, że zaraz po starcie wszystko widzi się w najczarniejszych barwach. Miałam poczucie totalnego zawalenia sprawy, nie wiedziałam do końca co o tym wszystkim sądzić. Może i nie powinnam o tym pisać, skoro zajmuje się szkoleniem innych – ale tak było i nie będę tego ukrywać. To był moment mojej całkowitej słabości. I wtedy zaczęło dziać się coś, czego się nie spodziewałam. Osoby, którym to ja na co dzień tłukę wszelakie „mądrości” nie pozostały mi teraz dłużne. Kochane klubowiczki wylewały w wiadomościach całą masę dobrych słów – słów dumy z naszego – kiepskiego przecież – startu, szczerego wsparcia i pokazywania co w tym wszystkim jest najważniejsze. Gdy dostałam wiadomość od Pauliny – klubowiczki, ale przede wszystkim przyjaciółki, łzy napłynęły mi do oczu:

„Wiem, że pewnie nie czujesz się najlepiej, ale pomyśl prosze co byś powiedziała mi w takiej sytuacji. (…) A starty jak to starty są lepsze i gorsze, trudno. Trzeba iść do przodu. My jesteśmy bardzo dumni! Wracajcie bo czekamy (…)”.

I wtedy zrozumiałam wszystko. Serio – nie tylko to co wydarzyło się chwile wcześniej na ringu, ale przede wszystkim to czym zajmuje się na co dzień. Zrozumiałam (po raz kolejny) czym naprawdę jest klub, który prowadzę – a właściwie, którego jestem częścią, bo właśnie takie momenty najlepiej pokazują wspólne relację. To był moment, w którym z całkowitego rzucania obedience, moje serce i umysł przeszły do „kocham to co robię i nigdy nie przestanę”. Okazało się bowiem, że porażka, którą chwile wcześniej odniosłam na ringu pokazała mi mój największy sukces. Sukces, jakim jest ukierunkowanie innych na to co dla mnie najważniejsze w tym sporcie, zbudowanie prawdziwych i szczerych relacji z wyjątkowymi ludźmi i rozwój tych właśnie osób. I to jest moment, w którym dziękuje Wam dziewczyny – za wszystko!

A żeby nie było tak słodko, czas na więcej refleksji. Dlaczego twierdzę, że Fruzia wylała mi wiadro zimnej wody na głowę, skoro pisałam, że dawała z siebie wszystko? No właśnie, ona dawała – a ja nie panując nad swoimi emocjami po prostu jej to zepsułam. Tak bardzo w ostatnim czasie skupiłam się na psychice i nastawieniu innych i na swoich problemach dnia codziennego (choroba Hondy to główny, ale nie jedyny z ostatnich stresorów), że zupełnie zaniedbałam własny trening mentalny. Gdzieś z tyłu głowy miałam przekonanie, że to wszystko już kiedyś przepracowałam – i zapomniałam, że w obedience nic nie trwa wiecznie – a tyczy się to także ludzkiej części teamu! Właśnie dlatego plan treningowo-naprawczy na najbliższe 1,5 miesiąca, czyli na przygotowania do startu w Opolu obejmuje głównie mnie, moje nastawienie, radzenie sobie ze stresem i oddech! Bo przecież właśnie oddech działa cuda – i doskonale zdaje sobie z tego sprawę – nie wiem tylko, dlaczego nie wykorzystałam tego na ringu… Tak więc-  kop w tyłek, kubeł wody na łeb i do roboty ;).

 

Dokładny opis startu wraz z filmem – w kolejnym wpisie, bo jak widzicie, tu już rozpisałam się wystarczająco ;).

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